I woke up pretty early this morning - despite being up relatively late reminiscing, catching up, and swapping stories - and headed straight for the nearest coffee shop.
Once I got my fix, it was off to the waterfront to meet up with Katie, a fellow Torontonian who recently moved out here for love - as so many ladies have come to do - and we toured around Gastown before meeting up with Darryl & Alex for lunch. I met these two party animals through the restaurant I work at back home, aka Mascot Brewery. We went for lunch, obviously we had sushi. IT’S VAN CITY FOR GODS SAKE! It was unreal.
Then, some casual sight seeing down by the water quickly turned into an absolute exploitation of the $4 bellini’s at Cactus club. Which then turned into consuming more delicious food at Blind Sparrow. The food was excellent but spicy AF.
This day was also my dad’s birthday. I booked my trip specifically so that I’d be away on this day, because it’s always shitty. As the day approaches, it consumes my thoughts and I dread it’s inevitable arrival. But this time, I genuinely didn’t think about it until dinner that night. I was kind of refreshing. For a moment I felt guilty, the same way you feel when you forget anyone’s birthday. And then I thought, I should call a family member.. my uncle.. my cousin.. someone. (Then again, we tend to keep to ourselves on days like that. I know I usually turn into a hibernating grizzly bear - not to be fucked with.) But then I realized the time difference, and also that I had successfully enjoyed the day and avoided all the shittiness that usually comes along with the heaviness of the day. Success, I thought, success.
People always say time heals all, but sometimes I feel like I miss him more now than I ever have. There was a moment the following day when I was rollerblading along the sea wall (which I will get into on the following post) and an eagle was circling above me, if it weren’t for the photographer ahead of me I’d never have looked up. As soon as I looked up it stopped circling and followed me along the trail for a moment.. I got a chill and I knew he was with me. I may not believe in religion, but it’s moments like that that I hang onto for dear life. Like when he visits me in a dream, it’s always when I need his guidance most.
When people ask what prompted this trip, the easy response is to tell them I’m visiting friends and family. But I genuinely feel like it’s much more than that. After getting straight A’s last semester in school, I decided to drop out of fashion management school and pursue a career in acting. I’d gotten to a point where economics and accounting were more challenging and engaging than any of my fashion-related classes which really just confused me even more about the direction of my life.
Since I was little, my sisters older friends would come hang out and our house and they’d tell me, “you’re gonna be so pretty when you get older!” To which I would immediately think, so I’m not pretty now? But also, stereotypically speaking, women couldn’t be pretty and smart, or pretty and funny, or pretty and anything, really. So I just accepted that I’d be the pretty one. I accepted that I wouldn’t be good at math, or science. Pair that with an incredible contempt for the dreaded nine-to-five and you’ve got a young lady who’s completely squashed 75% of her potential. I just always thought that I was right brained.. creative, linguistic, musical, etc. Which meant that I could never be good at math, science, let alone business! In a bout of confidence, I asked my guidance counsellor at the start of grade 11 to switch all of my classes to University level. She condescendingly referenced my grades from the previous year and suggested I stick with College level. Thankfully I had the gumption to tell that woman where to go and I was switched into the classes I needed. I didn’t know what feminism was until I took a women’s studies class at University three years later, but looking back, she should have encouraged me to reach for the stars and given me access to every resource available in order to help me succeed. I still think it’s shitty that she didn’t.